I know I keep saying I'm through with the divorce topic, but I can't not write about it at all. Just trying to keep it to a minimum. Yet, this post does seem like a coda of sorts.
The last week or so, my wife and I have been on even terms. Most of our conversations revolve around the logistics of what is happening, regarding her move on Monday, the financial arrangements, AJ's care. We've also been dividing up the more personal items in our possession: CDs, photos, etc. It can be, at times, otherworldly, staring at a picture we had taken in Vegas, both of us grinning and happy then, completely happy, and figuring out who gets to keep it. Some of those photos have caused me minor tilt, but I don't have the appetite for more recriminations. It's over. No use going back into the Octagon.
But it's also because my sadness has given way to more pensive reflection, a less emotional rendering of events, both past and present. My anger has subsided, replaced by someething more akin to resignation. And I'm okay. Really, technically, day-to-day operations "okay," while still acknowledging there are more blind curves and unseen pot holes to navigate.
This morning, my wife and I were discussing one of these logistical issues as we passed in the hallway. I finished what I had to say and she impulsively hugged me. She has not voluntarily touched me in a long time, but today, she fairly lept into my arms. It wasn't a quickie either, not a pat on the back, "good on ya" embrace. She held there for a while and I returned her gesture.
"What was that?" I asked, when she finally pulled away.
"Nothing," she said.
As I descended the stairs, I was puzzled. I got in my car, headed for work and continued to wonder. I was a couple miles down the road when it hit me exactly what that hug meant.