Second Time Around

I enjoyed BG's show of solidarity yesterday. Even while caught in the midst of all this, there is a sense of absurdity regarding some of X's justifications. I take each with a grain of salt (or reject them outright), as her litany of minor offenses and events could never absolve her behavior. Further, and this is the thing that has become more apparent to me than anything, is that she never says what she's thinking or feeling. Very likely hasn't since I've known her. Her daily persona is simply a facade. I don't know whether she's unable to tap those innermost thoughts or if she simply refuses to acknowledge them publicly. Throughout these months, she's not once been able to tell me why she's done what she's done. In our calmer moments, when I really press her, she's either silent or mumbles an "I don't know" or an "I'm confused."

I don't mean to imply we didn't have issues. Who doesn't? But they went largely unaddressed, partly because of my own distraction, but predominantly because she kept her concerns bottled up, allowing them to grow into monsters. I've probed her repeatedly about why she didn't come to me and, hilariously (absurdly), she says she "didn't want to hurt (me)." What's that bit about "removing logic and reason?" As if telling me she's distressed about the distance between us, has begun to question our ability to re-kindle our marriage is MORE hurtful than picking up--and shacking up--shitty poets.

Gotta hand it to BG. Even all these years later, his Ex still reads his blog, gets tilted and feels compelled to defend herself. That, my friends, is reader retention. X reads what I write here, too, and has generally just shrugged her shoulders at the increasing vitriol. Not that she'd say anything if it made her feel anything. However, after checking the last couple entries last night, she said, "Your blog is mean." My immediate reaction was to feel kinda bad, if you can believe that. Then I pulled out my Meanness Protractor and charted where what I've written lies in relation to betraying your husband and it appears I have a ways to go to measure up.

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I took yesterday off to buff the house to something resembling a shine in preparation for a troop of hair-sprayed real estate agents touring through today. Manual labor is a good way to work off the blues, especially with some crunchy metal goodness in the iPod. I took a nice helping of anger out on the countertops, elbow greasing them to a white comparable to drizz's legs in a blizzard.

As an added day-off bonus, got to watch some international football friendlies as most of the World Cup entrants had warm-ups yesterday. US beat Poland 1-0 and it was not an undeserved result. The team is disjointed without Reyna and McBride in there. Eddie Johnson was largely ineffective, but that's somewhat understandable with all the time he's missed. Landon Donovan is just lost as a play-maker. Best game I've seen Dempsey have and I think he secured his place in Germany with yesterdays goal and performance. But for a 15-minute spell near the end of the first half, the defense was excellent and it looks like Eddie Lewis is a lock at left back.

Also saw England-Uruguay and I guess the Three Lions have found their solution for a left-sided midfielder. Jeez, Joe Cole was man of the match and it was no contest. He was involved in nearly every positive move England managed. And cheers to Liverpool's Peter Crouch for breaking his international duck. At Anfield, no less.

I played poker, too. The last few days, I feel like I'm getting closer to the level I was back before all this began. No, I didn't cash in any of my three MTTs, but I got my money in while dominant each time I busted, including a $7K three-way, pre-flop all-in pot where my aces (and another guy's Kings) went down to K8s. I felt a lot better after K8s apologized in chat and said he was just trying to bust so he could go to bed. Listen up you fucking a-holes. If you are trying to bust in the first hour of an MTT because you are tired, MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T PLAY IN THE FIRST PLACE. First poker tilt I've encountered in a while.

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I see where Pauly mentioned he and change100's wholly inappropriate prop bets on my first marriage (kidding). Yes, for those of you who've only recently begun to follow the train wreck that is my life, this will be my second divorce. The short version is that I married an illegal alien at age 19. You may be shocked to know that didn't work out.

The prop bets, by the way, were length of marriage with an over/under of 30 months. Over takes it (40 months). And length of time between first divorce and second marriage was set at over/under of 4 years. Whomever set that line sucks. It was 10.

If it wasn't for the occasional phone calls I get from collection agencies regarding the first ex's credit problems, it would almost be like it never existed at all. Much easier to recall is the abject misery I endured in its aftermath. It was less the demise as it was typical post-adolescence angst, exacerbated by what I felt was a loss of my youth and a long period of stunted growth. My reaction, of course, was to prolong my agony by escaping via self-medication. I reacted very poorly at the time and at least I now know what NOT to do.

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I can't even believe how all this shit has blocked me from enjoying my one true obsession: the Oakland A's. Rob Neyer said, "On paper, the A's are the third best team on the planet, behind the Dominican Republic and the U.S." However, Bradley and Thomas are HUGE question marks with their recent injuries and neither will do the A's any good if they are only on paper. The staff is solid top to bottom, they have depth they haven't had since the La Russa clubs and a handful of young players who have every right to improve. I should be giddy with anticipation. I suppose I will be eventually, 'specially since I'll have the Big Screen all to myself this season.