Thursday, March 02, 2006

Second Time Around

I enjoyed BG's show of solidarity yesterday. Even while caught in the midst of all this, there is a sense of absurdity regarding some of X's justifications. I take each with a grain of salt (or reject them outright), as her litany of minor offenses and events could never absolve her behavior. Further, and this is the thing that has become more apparent to me than anything, is that she never says what she's thinking or feeling. Very likely hasn't since I've known her. Her daily persona is simply a facade. I don't know whether she's unable to tap those innermost thoughts or if she simply refuses to acknowledge them publicly. Throughout these months, she's not once been able to tell me why she's done what she's done. In our calmer moments, when I really press her, she's either silent or mumbles an "I don't know" or an "I'm confused."

I don't mean to imply we didn't have issues. Who doesn't? But they went largely unaddressed, partly because of my own distraction, but predominantly because she kept her concerns bottled up, allowing them to grow into monsters. I've probed her repeatedly about why she didn't come to me and, hilariously (absurdly), she says she "didn't want to hurt (me)." What's that bit about "removing logic and reason?" As if telling me she's distressed about the distance between us, has begun to question our ability to re-kindle our marriage is MORE hurtful than picking up--and shacking up--shitty poets.

Gotta hand it to BG. Even all these years later, his Ex still reads his blog, gets tilted and feels compelled to defend herself. That, my friends, is reader retention. X reads what I write here, too, and has generally just shrugged her shoulders at the increasing vitriol. Not that she'd say anything if it made her feel anything. However, after checking the last couple entries last night, she said, "Your blog is mean." My immediate reaction was to feel kinda bad, if you can believe that. Then I pulled out my Meanness Protractor and charted where what I've written lies in relation to betraying your husband and it appears I have a ways to go to measure up.


I took yesterday off to buff the house to something resembling a shine in preparation for a troop of hair-sprayed real estate agents touring through today. Manual labor is a good way to work off the blues, especially with some crunchy metal goodness in the iPod. I took a nice helping of anger out on the countertops, elbow greasing them to a white comparable to drizz's legs in a blizzard.

As an added day-off bonus, got to watch some international football friendlies as most of the World Cup entrants had warm-ups yesterday. US beat Poland 1-0 and it was not an undeserved result. The team is disjointed without Reyna and McBride in there. Eddie Johnson was largely ineffective, but that's somewhat understandable with all the time he's missed. Landon Donovan is just lost as a play-maker. Best game I've seen Dempsey have and I think he secured his place in Germany with yesterdays goal and performance. But for a 15-minute spell near the end of the first half, the defense was excellent and it looks like Eddie Lewis is a lock at left back.

Also saw England-Uruguay and I guess the Three Lions have found their solution for a left-sided midfielder. Jeez, Joe Cole was man of the match and it was no contest. He was involved in nearly every positive move England managed. And cheers to Liverpool's Peter Crouch for breaking his international duck. At Anfield, no less.

I played poker, too. The last few days, I feel like I'm getting closer to the level I was back before all this began. No, I didn't cash in any of my three MTTs, but I got my money in while dominant each time I busted, including a $7K three-way, pre-flop all-in pot where my aces (and another guy's Kings) went down to K8s. I felt a lot better after K8s apologized in chat and said he was just trying to bust so he could go to bed. Listen up you fucking a-holes. If you are trying to bust in the first hour of an MTT because you are tired, MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T PLAY IN THE FIRST PLACE. First poker tilt I've encountered in a while.


I see where Pauly mentioned he and change100's wholly inappropriate prop bets on my first marriage (kidding). Yes, for those of you who've only recently begun to follow the train wreck that is my life, this will be my second divorce. The short version is that I married an illegal alien at age 19. You may be shocked to know that didn't work out.

The prop bets, by the way, were length of marriage with an over/under of 30 months. Over takes it (40 months). And length of time between first divorce and second marriage was set at over/under of 4 years. Whomever set that line sucks. It was 10.

If it wasn't for the occasional phone calls I get from collection agencies regarding the first ex's credit problems, it would almost be like it never existed at all. Much easier to recall is the abject misery I endured in its aftermath. It was less the demise as it was typical post-adolescence angst, exacerbated by what I felt was a loss of my youth and a long period of stunted growth. My reaction, of course, was to prolong my agony by escaping via self-medication. I reacted very poorly at the time and at least I now know what NOT to do.


I can't even believe how all this shit has blocked me from enjoying my one true obsession: the Oakland A's. Rob Neyer said, "On paper, the A's are the third best team on the planet, behind the Dominican Republic and the U.S." However, Bradley and Thomas are HUGE question marks with their recent injuries and neither will do the A's any good if they are only on paper. The staff is solid top to bottom, they have depth they haven't had since the La Russa clubs and a handful of young players who have every right to improve. I should be giddy with anticipation. I suppose I will be eventually, 'specially since I'll have the Big Screen all to myself this season.


At 10:16 AM, Blogger Roman said...

Uncle Milty took the first offering from Kiko Calero DEEP in an intrasquad game yesterday.

Connect Four, bytch.

At 10:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I found your blog thru BG's post yesterday, and I can't even tell you how eerie all this is. My wife and I are going through the a very similar situation, except (1) the roles are reversed (I'm the prick, not her) and (2) I *do* want to stay and work things out. I spent an hour and a half of my workday yesterday reading back in your blog, and I forwarded it to my wife for her to read too. Your words furthered my appreciation for and understanding of what my wife is going through; likewise you are helping me to put my own attitudes and actions in perspective, putting sharper focus on what/how I need to change.

You may feel that your blogging is self-therapeutic, and I'm sure that it is. Just know that you're also helping other people by sharing.

At 10:32 AM, Anonymous Kel said...

hmm, as a woman reading this I really don't think your comments have been bitter or mean. They may not have been flattering and there was a great deal of underlying cynicism in some of them - but frankly you have been refreshingly open about your experience and emotions

it sounds like she needs to mature emotionally - and learn to respect herself more

if you were in fact asking her to communicate and she chose not to that is about her - not you

unless of course you failed to mention that you are a professional mind reader . . .

At 10:36 AM, Anonymous sandra said...

I don't think you've been mean at all. I think you've been honest. What I get out of her saying you've been mean is that deep down, she feels like absolute shit and can't stand that you're calling her on it.

At 10:42 AM, Blogger mhr said...

Hi there - new reader (also new poker player, which is how I found your blog). But you suckered me into commenting by bringing up baseball. :-)

I don't think anyone is expecting Thomas to be a healthy force. Optimistic projections suggest 300 PAs is his upside. Conjecture is that Beane is hoping Thomas will rehab and contribute in the second half of the season, and the playoffs.

Bradley's situation is less clear. What I've read is that he's likely to experience some impact on his game from his knee injury and surgery, but he might also come back at nearly full strength. He's likely at his peak right now, but should be a solid regular for a few more years. Barring further emotional explosions.

The A's players who worry me are Rich Harden, who is a great pitcher coming back from a labrum tear in his non-throwing shoulder - still a serious injury. Hopefully he'll make it all the way back.

Just as serious is Bobby Crosby's ongoing shoulder problems, especially since he hasn't been Mr. Health during his short career. He's a vital part of the team's offense and losing him would really hurt.

I'm not sure what to think of Eric Chavez' shoulder problems. He decided against off-season surgery but will probably DH from time to time to protect his sore wing.

Despite all that, it should be an exciting time in the Coliseum this year, as no one in the AL West looks poised to run away with the division. What honks me off is that the A's decided to close the upper deck of the Coliseum, which will make buying cheap tickets next to impossible, I'd guess. Sigh.

At 11:08 AM, Blogger Gamecock said...

The Dominican Republic is sick. I do not know if we (US) will have the pitching to overcome them. Just imagine if A-Rod had decided to stick with his commitment, disgusting.

At 11:59 AM, Blogger TripJax said...

Dig the new look.

Loved this line...

"Gotta hand it to BG. Even all these years later, his Ex still reads his blog, gets tilted and feels compelled to defend herself. That, my friends, is reader retention."

At 12:10 PM, Blogger StudioGlyphic said...

No meanness here.

At 12:20 PM, Blogger Randy G said...

The Dominicans are sick, but will any of them still be around when the tourney finally gets going? I know a bunch of them including Guerrero have withdrawn. And I've been reading for several months and just now found the time to start a psuedo-blog and you're going through a very tough time right now, but remember that it could be like me and be........a CUBS fan. Oh curse the bad luck.

At 12:20 PM, Blogger Drizztdj said...

Dom. Republic takes it down even while wearing cardboard gloves.

I'm going to go put some $$ behind that prediction now.

And getting Thomas is much like the Twins picking up Castillo (age wise), its whether or not these former all-stars have 162 games in them.

And I've seen pearls with less whiteness then my legs. Its a sad sad thing.

At 12:32 PM, Blogger Garthmeister J. said...

Drizz, you know Pedro is probably not going to pitch for DR, right? Apparently they are now freaking out about their pitching. Do not mess with my Aussie knowledge!

Anyway... "Your blog is mean."?!? What is that? Was there any further elaboration? "Your writing about me is mean." "The people commenting are mean." (Please God, tell me she reads the comments.)

I dunno... just someone saying "Your blog is mean" sounds like someone an 8 year old might say.

OK, now I'm being mean...

At 12:44 PM, Blogger Joaquin "The Rooster" Ochoa said...

I don't care if you are mean or not. This is what you poker her with a needle on the finger to hear her scream...ouch! Then you say, good...just wanted to make sure you were alive. No, I'm just kidding. Just get her out so you can move on and so can she...tell the Little Man I'm going to be sending his Arsenal jersey before his uncle Al sends him some ugly ass blue jersey...haha!

At 1:04 PM, Blogger Easycure said...

So she thinks we've been mean? That's a misread, because I and many others have been biting our collective tongue for weeks and trying to be supportive.

Is time for a dial-a-shot yet, Joe? I'm ready.

At 5:46 PM, Blogger iamhoff said...

Your blog is not mean. You are taking an amazingly even-tempered position regarding this whole steaming pile of crap on the living room floor. Even the comments are pretty restrained, and if I'm wanting to launch I'm sure other broggers out there are equally if not more ready to unload.

The dial a shot is on the way.

At 5:49 PM, Blogger iamhoff said...

OK. I hadn't realized Rooster added a comment at the end of Tuesday's post. Maybe a little mean, but I agree with him 1000 percent. Well said.

At 8:15 AM, Blogger Dancinfairy said...

I can't remember how I found your blog but I keep coming back to check and see how you are because I find your writing compelling, open and honest and you have made me care about you and yours.

When you start talking about poker I can't even follow it but Football? Now you are talking!!! (and not calling it soccer which is good) Joe Cole was kickass on Wednesday and I cannot wait for the World Cup now!


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