Thursday, December 21, 2006


For a ham-handed male lacking an artistic bone in his body, I'm a servicable gift-wrapper. What often puts me on Gift Wrap Tilt, however, is the rusty ol' pair of scissors and my meandering, rather than razor-sharp, cuts of the paper. I may not be artistic or even possessed of average motor skill, but I am a perfectionist, so when my wrap is more jagged than fine, I threaten to blow.

Imagine then, my excitement to find a handy tool to make the job easier. During last night's foray to Target, these little beauties were prominently placed in every aisle. Like an exacto knife, but with a paper "guide," it turned my full evening of holiday cheer into...well...actual holiday cheer instead of the frustration of the season. It still took me two hours to wrap everything, though I could have probably cut that time in half if I had a third hand to help with the ribboning. Regardless, it was painless and the tree has most of the presents beneath it.

I didn't finish though. AJ's a bright one and last weekend when we went shopping for the rest of the family, I let him pick out the colors of wrapping paper he wanted. A number of the presents I wrapped last night were slated to be from Santa and it occurred to me that he would definitely wonder how come Santa used the same wrapping paper that we bought at the store. There's no doubt in my mind he would notice and comment. This is the same kid who wanted to know how Santa was gonna get into the apartment since we don't have a chimney. Who personally scouted the neighboring rooftops and analyzed whether the Big Fella could squeeeze his way down the air conditioning vents. Who insisted we write Santa a note to tell him we'd leave the balcony door unlocked so he could get in. Who wondered whether Santa will leave him presents at X's apartment, too. He really leaves no stone unturned. So I have to go get different wrapping paper tonight.

I don't want to say I'm over-compensating for the holiday, mine and AJ's first Christmas since The Troubles, but I may have gone a little overboard with the shopping. Among other things, I got him a dog, a pony and a two-bedroom condo with mountain views.


At 11:31 AM, Anonymous mookie99 said...

Be sure to properly dispose (burn then bury the ashes) of the Santa wrapping paper after you are done wrapping the gifts.

Kids have CSI-like investigative skills when it comes to finding stuff like that.

At 11:59 AM, Blogger Pokerwolf said...

You didn't mention the third base seats for an A's game next year or the BP with the team during a practice.

At 12:36 PM, Blogger Joaquin "The Rooster" Ochoa said...

No lap dances for AJ or hair products?

At 12:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The #1 result from my "gift wrapped horse" search returned this

So, no need to fret about "no products".

At 1:34 PM, Blogger ToddCommish said...

Another biggie: conspire with another Santa-parent to write the gift labels. You write theirs, they write yours. Kids recognize handwriting too.

Oh, and instead of using scissors or an exacto blade, just fold the paper and cut along the crease using a letter opener or a jackknife. Works really well and makes consistent straight cuts.

At 1:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My delightful wrapping discovery was the new Scotch wrapping paper with a grid on the inside that made cutting in a straight line very easy!

At 1:44 PM, Blogger DuggleBogey said...

This whole "wrapping presents" idea intrigues me...

I thought it was perfectly appropriate for those of the male gender to present gifts packaged only in the bag in which it came from the store.

If the gift is extra special, you might even remove the receipt from the bag.

At 1:57 PM, Anonymous maudie said...

Don't forget the Red Ryder BB gun, either. I triple-dog dare ya!

You 'n AJ have a wonderful christmas - you both deserve it (in spades).

At 3:21 PM, Blogger Huge Junk said...

I can hold the bow in place while using both hands to work the tape and paper. Although I do have to whip it up into at least a half-chub frenzy so that I have enough control to keep it away from random scissor snips.

It also works well when you have something in one hand (like a beer, losing parlay tickets, or ATM receipts from Vegas) and you need to sign something on a piece of paper that just won't sit still while you sign.

At 4:57 AM, Blogger Irongirl01 said...

Happy Holidays to you and AJ Joe!!!

When you started the post I was thinking.. Joe needs that new paper cutting gizmo!!!


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