How I Did It: Bullet Points Version

* Arrive home and log-in to Full Tilt. Tourney been underway for 17 minutes already. I hadn't won any hands in my absence.

* Notice there are more than 5300 people in this muzzachunkin' thing. Assume a large percentage of them are morons. Resolve to find morons and abuse them like a West Baltimore crackpipe.

* Win first big hand at 20/40 level by sniffing out a bluff. A poorly-conceived one. On flop of Q98, I was check-called by the SB. I had J9s. When a Q fell on the turn, he led into me, which made NO sense and I put him on a naked J or T. And here's where I made a play I make rarely. I just called, setting up a possible further bluff on the river. It was a ten. Yahtzee! He bet the pot and I put him all in (he had but T500 behind). He had 75o.

* Hang around the T6000 mark for the rest of the first hour, winning and losing small pots.

* Jozy Altidore scores a World Class goal.

* Go completely card dead in Hour Two and am down to T4000 before I start picking up some hands. Am up to T5000 when I re-raise shortie UTG from the SB, holding TT. He calls. I check the flop, he pot commits himself and I bust him with a flopped boat (T22) v. his AQ. Scurvy and Otis pop up on the rail and I am both honored by their presence and glad I could show them how to properly play a flopped boat.

* Make a move in Hour Three when I simply smooth call an LP raise with AA in the SB. Greed, baby. Check-push a pretty benign flop (Q74 rainbow) and he calls with 6c5c. Faaaaaaaaade. Eight outs no g00t.

* Some steals with crap work; some steals with crap unsuccessful. Some weird hands. One awful player two to my left with biggish stack and he's giving it away at an alarming rate. I never do get a big shot at him, but for a single hand. I raise with 55. He calls on button, as does BB. Flop is 9d8d2x. I like it and prepare to c-bet when BB pushes. Nearly 6K bet, which is close to pot-sized, about half my stack. I'm pretty sure I'm ahead of him, but goddamn if the shitty big stack is not still left to act and god knows what he's holding. I reluctantly fold. Big stack calls. Kd7d for pusher (putting him statistically ahead of me); QcTC for Big Stack. Yes. QcTc. Presto would have held. Don't hate my fold. Don't want to marry it either.

* Fastest bubble in history of tournament poker pops. We played one hand-for-hand hand and 8 people busted during it. Mobneys! Bubble Boy had a handle something like el_imbicile. Who am I to argue?

* The Big Hand. Open-raise from button. I push with 88 in the BB (I have him covered by 6K). He calls with AJ and I win the race, taking me to T28K.

* Hang out around there for a while, going down to 22K, up to 33K. Feeling mighty comfy. Good mix of patience and aggression. Blinds are at 600/1200/150 and I get AA. EP raise to 5K and change, LP call, easy push for me with an M of 5-ish. EP insta-calls with JJ. Flop comes J99. I throw things.

* Realize I forgot to eat dinner and that maybe that's why five Long Hammer IPA's had such an enduring and tenacious hold on my bloodstream.

* Pass out.

* Have dream about Chris Partlow. Again. Getting weird.