Friday, August 11, 2006

Like I Even Need to Say It...

...but yes, I just peed myself.

******************************

HOLY SHIT!!!

Bobby Bracelet just emailed me with something unreal. He finally put together that special package for the auction that he had previously mentioned. Not sure why he keeps using me for his announcements. I guess he likes me. (In a totally non-gay way of course)

Anyhow, he doesn't have a website anymore (HEAR THAT EMPLOYERS?) so I guess he had to choose someone, and who better than me? But let's get to the goods, cause these goods are especially good goods. Like that "good goods" sentence? I thought so. I am a wordsmith to an extent only rivaled by my one other quality. I am a dicksmith of Level 12 proportions. At any rate...

Bobby tells me this should be up Friday evening. If not, keep checking back because it is definitely going up soon.

PUT THE SOCO ON ICE!!!
(Pasted directly from Bobby's email)

(NOTE: Faces of your hero’s have been temporarily covered to ensure employers and creditors continue to be stymied about our existence as internet celebrities.)


You are bidding on a Bobby Bracelet and Donkey Puncher HUGE PACKAGE of priceless collector’s items and once in a lifetime opportunities.

First up is a set of framed collector’s edition photographs of Bobby Bracelet and Donkey Puncher, two of the most elite poker bloggers this world has ever seen. Each photo has been carefully selected based on a rigid set of standards set forth by DP, the Bracelet, and the Franklin Mint. Thousands were discarded to ensure you received the highest quality photos of these prolific individuals that time and money can buy.



Capture your inner David as Donkey Puncher has done in our first selection. Nothing says “I am Man” like a good solid David pose, and the Puncher of Donkeys has not disappointed here. This photo will be signed, and if you’re lucky DP will write a few special words of encouragement as well.



When the Bracelet sits down to play poker he brings more than just the pain, he brings cold hard cash. (Dollar Dollar Bills Ya’ll!) Check-raising douche bags has never been more fun than in today’s poker crazy world. Keep a sexy reminder of what this game is all about by placing this photo of Bobby Bracelet on your mantle, above your bed, or in your bathroom. The Bracelet will not only sign this photo, but he’ll also write his now famous catch phrase, “Don’t forget to min-raise your Aces!”



Finishing up the framed and signed collector’s items, DP and the Bracelet were captured plying Power Poker at the same final table. Signed and framed, this unbelievable photo contains many of your favorite poker bloggers playing against, or watching these two A-List bloggers as well. It’s also visual proof that Bobby does more than lose at blackjack, and DP doesn’t spend every waking moment doing his hair or posing like David.

Lastly, as if Jesus himself put this package together, you have the opportunity of a lifetime. Why? Because Bobby Bracelet and Donkey Puncher will grace the winners of this package with their presence. Yes, allow the 860th Greatest Poker Player in the World (as of 6/3/05) and the Vidal Sassoon of Poker Bloggers to crash your home game, hit up the town for drinks, or maybe give your special lady a sensual massage. The world is your oyster. Travel must be reasonable so foreign countries are probably out of the question, but hey, make it worth our while for Peyton and maybe we can make an exception.



Just in case your head hasn’t exploded yet, we’ve thrown in a copy of the great book by Michael Craig, The Professor, the Banker, and the Suicide King. Inside the Richest Poker Game of All Time.


Now go bid on this unbelievable package. Make Bobby and DP proud.

5 Comments:

At 3:54 PM, Blogger Huge Junk said...

Usher's face on DP's body next to the statue of David is so damn funny I can't stop laughing.

 
At 4:35 PM, Blogger Donkeypuncher said...

I'd love to bring the family out to Cali... Please keep me out of Minnesota. Word has it that Chad and Drizz are going to pool their money together to ensure they win the auction...

 
At 8:33 AM, Blogger Drizztdj said...

I'm making sure both of you come to Minnesota in the middle of January for extreme poker to be played in Tower, MN.

Average temp up there in the winter is about -10 and -40 isn't out of the question. Silk shirts probably won't help much.

Dress accordingly.

 
At 12:18 PM, Blogger Garthmeister J. said...

BTW Speaker, congrats on the Shield win. At least it seems Shevchenko is as good as advertised...

 
At 1:01 PM, Blogger Veneno said...

I would bid but I don't have a "special lady friend"..

 

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