Cashing In

"I could hear you talking to yourself until 3 a.m."
--Dear and Patient Wife

Guilty. At the time, I was not actually aware I was talking to myself. In retrospect, I'm certain I was. Add the iPod issue and I'm sure my indictments of "Lemur!" and "Nice call, buddy" and "Hip Check!" were plenty audible enough to make it upstairs to our boudoir.

I was on the tail end of an evening-long poker bender, which began, innocently and soberly enough, with the weekly Wil Wheaton online/world's biggest home game. I'm pleased to report I avoided the rampant suckery I've exhibited in previous incarnations and finished a respectable 10th. Of course, I went out right after I bragged (faceteously) that I was the King of the Short Stack and if the remaining players were sitting around folding and waiting for me to bust so they could journey forth to their Final Table reward, they would be collecting Social Security before such an event transpired. Or perhaps two minutes after said proclamation.

Honestly, I didn't deserve to be there. I tried to put a move on Daddy, when short-stacked in the first hour. I called his raise in the BB with Ah4h, putting him on a medium pair (that particular read comes from the Wishful Thinking School of Poker) and hoping to pull a stop and go if the board cooperated. The flop came KJx, with no hearts, and I pushed at him. He happily flipped his AKo.

His chance of winning the hand at that point is a mere 97%, so you can see I really know the spots to pick for my so-called moves. Regardless, I assure you there were people present to verify the turn and river both came fours. My shame has scarcely abated and I promised Daddy that his first handful of drinks in Vegas will be courtesy of my Bad Beat Fund, which had quite a profitable weekend.

From that point, I am pretty sure I didn't cause any other players to throw things. Lost a race on the Final Table bubble and then pushed with less than 2 BBs and even less of a hand. But I cashed, and, as always, enjoyed the hell out of playing with you folks. Eternal appreciation for Wil and his efforts.

I had not begun talking to myself at this point. Had a little family interlude, taking the wife and AJ over to Mom's for dinner, but we returned in time for them to go to bed and for me to round up some degenerates for the $7K Guaranteed at Full Tilt. drizz and Jason joined me and 300+ douchebags on the virtual felt, the former getting moved to my table after about a half hour. Nothing much else to report. I got doubled up by an idiot early who thought I was stealing from the SB with 88. He pushed with K2s and thankyouverymuch. My only other big hand was QQ and I lost 1400 chips with that one to AA. I did suckout a split against drizz when I pushed over the top of his raise with...uh...AJ, as I am wont to do. Two pair on the board nullified his AKo advantage. None of us moneyed.

Yet, I was now well into the SoCo and it wasn't even midnight (my time), so...hey...look at that...a $10+$1 MTT on FT starting up shortly. It was already Sunday for drizz, so he passed, but April, who had been railbirding us earlier along with DJ helixx joined along with Jason. April and I moneyed, her finishing 24th (or so) and me 12th. I was happy with my play, getting in a couple hip checks, but went out disappointingly. The guy on my left had been raising my blind ceaselessly and I couldn't defend. But I knew I'd get one shot. I finally did with JJ. His usual raise was met with my 18K push and despite his range being any two cards there, he had a scary enough AQo. The RNG strung me out 'til the river before dropping the bullet. Would have put me second overall if I'd out-run him. Gah.

It should be mentioned by the time I busted, I was blind drunk, making comical typo errors in chat and making my happy drunk stupid jokes. Man, was I feeling it this morning, though AJ thankfully slept until 9, giving me enough slumber and allowing an hour to shake off the cobwebs before plunging into the Saturdays With Dr. Pauly tourney.

I'd like to tell you my finish was all about superior play and laser-like effciency, but that would not be truthful. I should have been out in the first hour when I ran my KK into Human Head's AA, but hit a diamond flush to double up and stay alive. I chipped up a bit and was sitting on the verge of the top 10 when I went on an unparalleled (in my experience) card rush. In a span of 14 hands, I got KK, QQ thrice and JJ twice. The first of the group was summarily sucked out by Easycure, who flopped two decks worth of outs. I then proceeded to knock out three players, causing me to type into chat, "It's possible I might have a hand if I re-raise." But really, who could believe I'd keep waking up with those kinda hands? Not Bobby Bracelet, who soon came over the top of my QQ re-raise with TT and...well...it's the first time I've gotten the better of Bob at the poker table. I call it Revenge of the Razz.

From that point, I cruised to the Final Table, never less than third in chips. I was joined by Chad, who despite his protestations against tourneys, continues to top-bomb these blogger events; Colombo, Lord Admiral Quiz Master who my addled memory insists I have not played with previously (a pleasure, sir); Big Pirate, the chip leader and proud dropper of the Hammer Play of the Day; and on_thg, the most unwieldy and esoteric of blogger names, the Gary Trudeau of Poker Bloggers and now multiple WPBT Champion.

I didn't knock anybody out at the Final Table, but briefly had the chip lead after out-running the Pirate. Then I got involved in a hand I had no business sniffing. Down to three-handed (all of us having previously tasted the sweet nectar of blogger tourney victory), Pirate raised on the button and I called in the SB with Q8s. No biggie. I'll play that 3-handed. Then on_thg re-raised in the BB. And yeah, I was getting nice pot odds to call, but goodness gracious, I'm surely way behind. And I actually thought that. Huge flop or I'm done. KQ2 flop, none of my suit and I LEAD AT IT.

Yes, you read that right. Cost me another 18K since both the others flopped sets. Temporary lobotomy.

From there, I got all in in two 60-40 situations, the 40 winning both times, but me only once, the last putting me out when on_thg spiked his queen on the river.

As always, a fun time and special thanks to Dr. Pauly for bringing us together and congrats to on_thg, against whom I've played so much lately that one of us is gonna have to start paying rent, for earning his second WPBT bracelet.



Quick final note, I played the $7K Guaranteed tonight at Full Tilt and managed another cash, finishing 20th. People, if you've never believed anything I've ever written in this space, believe this: These tournaments could not be softer. More than a third of the field was gone in the first 24 minutes. That is a lot of dead money. All-in calls with Ace-rag (causing drizz to type in chat, "Nice hand Tiffany"), some raising from EP with K9o and enough minimum raises to extract the last of Baby Jesus's tears.

So yeah, good, fun, profitable weekend. I wouldn't say poker and I are "back together," but we're definitely flirting. Trying to taper the workouts, you know, peak in about four weeks time.