News Flash

Putting the cherry on top of the Vegas trip reports has turned out to be a difficult task. Largely because I don't remember a whole lot of Saturday. Okay, that's not entirely true. I remember the big points. It's just hard to write about donkinig away half a buy-in in a single Razz hand.

No, that's not it, either. I've written a bunch and it all sucks. Like it was penned by a guy who felt exactly like I did around midnight that Saturday: monosyllabic and completely devoid of cogent thought.

In the meantime, my long national nightmare has ended. I got drunk last night, which numbed the pain of bombing out of the $22 Stars MTT. But I know you'll all be pleased to know I hitched up my pants--that's an expression, I wasn't wearing pants--and grabbed a second in a $30 two-table SnG. It was an affirming moment. I followed it up with a win in a $20 two-table SnG, where I played like the WSOP participant that I am (was?). I dominated the entire affair and was really pulling the strings late, especially heads-up. That poor fella had no idea which way I was goin'. It was a clinic.

Today, I made it to the final 3 tables of the Crazy $11 Re-Buy, despite getting almost no cards. Highest pocket pair was tens. But I made my moves at the right time and actually won some coin flips, something that hasn't happened since Michael Jackson was still black.

But none of that is the News Flash. No. Tonight, in The First Ever Speaker Household Heads-Up Championship, I was dominated by the dear and patient wife. Though she is ovulating, that's not a euphemism. She bluffed me out of a big pot early, bled me slowly and when I pushed with my measly pocket aces, she put in the final nail with her rivered set of Jacks. She's been a gracious winner, reminding me just 400 times since.

To sum up, I'm up a nice chunk for the weekend, but completely emasculated. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.