Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Call Me in the (Early) Morning

I always thought the whole "A-Lister" thing was hilarious. Tongue-in-cheek and silly. I'm not a big fan of exclusion and that's absolutely not what this community has ever been about, despite some contrary views (which I think are valid talking points, if arrived at via incomplete information). As with any large group, there will be smaller circles and what I think is missing in the analysis (that uses words like "cliques" and "inner circle") is that some people have forged very deep and meaningful friendships. It's just not possible to form that level of a bond with 100+ people. It does not mean the two, eight, 12 people are unavailable to the rest.

I'm certain I've never been invited anywhere by another blogger because of what I've written here or that these thoughts of mine elevated me to some rarified level or were, on the other hand, a catalyst for me NOT being invited somewhere.

However, when the Resident A-Lister calls at 2:58 a.m. to ask for love advice, two things become clear:

1. I need no other validation for A-List status
2. Said A-Lister doesn't read this blog, for if he did, he'd realize the magnitude of the Train Wreck that is my love life. Women don't just break up with me. I am so loathesome to them that they physically and mentally eradicate my entire existence.

It's fun talking to a plowed Rooster. KA-KAW! I gave it to him straight. People don't like to hear it straight. They take it personally. As if having an opposing viewpoint is somehow equal to control. If there's disagreement, that's simply another trying to bend you to their will.

That's not the way conflict resolution works, people. You talk it out, completely, with mutual respect. That means no low blows, no shots or purposeful skewers to hurt the other, put them off balance so you can "win." You don't run away when you hear something you don't like. You don't pull a straw man and deflect attention from the core issue to one that's more heated and emotional. It's not fucking about winning. It's about trusting others to hear what you are saying and if they don't accept it, they must at least give it weight and esteem. "Respect my word!" as Salk might say.

You may not reach a conclusion that's satisfying to both parties. It happens. But you won't make enemies on the journey, either, if you're straight, if you conduct yourself admirably.

I try to do that. Because then, no matter the outcome, you can sleep at night.

Well, most of 'em.


At 1:58 PM, Blogger jremotigue said...

Was Joaquin crying about F-Train leaving NYC? It's sad to see two lovers part.


At 2:01 PM, Blogger Joe Speaker said...

Oh snap.

At 2:05 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

That's the kind of right hook I want to see in Chicago.

DP brings it.

At 4:52 PM, Blogger Derek McG said...

Well said.

At 12:51 AM, Blogger smokkee said...

2-0 Halos....just sayin'


At 3:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

big fan of your blog - your paragraph on conflict resolution was dead on and very well put - i sent it to my wife to read in hopes that she will shut the fuck up and stop arguing with me because im always right and she wont ever win

At 11:39 AM, Blogger Joaquin "The Rooster" Ochoa said...

What can I say, it was a low-point when I call someone who is 0-2 in the love league. Then again, I hear Reggie Jackson is a hitting coach and we all know how much he struck-out. What can I say, I was in a funk over the old happy days. I'm not going to go on because the conversation with you called closure, thanks!


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