Sunday, April 20, 2008

Naked Meatloaf

I just got back from the bookstore where I happened upon a display reminding AJ and I that Mother's Day is May 11. Stacked on the table of Mom-centric books was "Naked Lunch." I do believe my mother would never speak to me again if she read one paragraph.

A similar result may occur after I admit the following to you all, but mostly to Daddy. This morning, my breakfast included turkey bacon. Not in addition to regular or thick slab or peppered bacon, but in lieu of those. I can only hope this is a temporary affliction, but goddamn it, at some point in the last three months, I turned into what Donny Salk once termed a "Skinny Fat Guy," which is, in many ways even worse than being a Regular Fatty, because a Regular Fatty is proportionate throughout, whereas the Skinny Fat Guy remains slight in a lot of places, thereby exaggerating the effect of the plumped regions.

My plumped region is where one would routinely find a muffin top and is mostly the cause of beer (and a recently sedentary life). So, I've quit beer, too. Guess that's another person with whom I'll no longer converse.

Dry is definitely a temporary state. But one I expect to keep until I get rid of these extra pounds. I'm not offering any prop bets, nor go will I go into any depth of what my little makeover entails, but the primary effect of about 10 days of health-focused behavior has been an oddly serene mental state. It's even rubbed off on AJ, who hardly flinched when I served him pink meatloaf.

Eggless, with ground turkey (and tomato sauce presumably giving it it's pinkish hue). Those french fries are cut from a fresh potato and baked. AJ ate it up, even telling me how good it was, though I suspect it was simply his desire to support his father's strange behavior recently, what with the sobriety, the exercise and the addiction to carrot sticks.

Overall, it hasn't been very difficult. The biggest hurdle, the one thing that I want more than any other, is soda. Or maybe it's cheese. Or steak. I could go on. But it's time for some hummus.


At 9:53 PM, Blogger Human Head said...

This post was sounded like it was written by a crazy person, likely made so due to the unnatural ingredients that surely mus permeate Turkey Bacon.

Mend your errant ways, iniquitous one, lest the Swine Gods be angered further.

Their justice is swift and often painful. Turn your breakfast back to them.

At 10:08 AM, Blogger StB said...

If you are trying to lose weight, why not go the bacon friendly route?

At 11:25 AM, Blogger Wwonka said...

Dude just switch to Clear alcohols like vodka or gin and soda.

Atkins is your Friend.


At 3:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

good job, glad to know you're not dying

"Union City, Don, Union City."
(the last words ever uttered to me by Swaff)

At 3:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

No, the "skinny fatguy" is my saying.
Donny is just the living embodiment of it.

Snarf Snarf

At 10:58 PM, Blogger The Wife said...

When you're back down to just plain "skinny guy" (with the beautiful hair) and feel good and look good . . . turkey bacon will be a small price to pay.

And your kid will thank you, in the long run.

At 10:23 AM, Blogger Drizztdj said...

I got a whole freezer of turkey brats waiting just for you!

Seriously, please come and eat these damn things before my wife serves them again.


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