Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Hello...Is It Me You're Looking For?

"So, are you ever gonna write at The Obituarium, again?"

"Yes," I said. And because I am Train's LA Boyfriend, I think Lionel Ritchie is a good soundtrack for what follows.

Of course, with all the poker stuff at Poker Works and all the AJ stuff at Offsprung (notice that new little banner over there? Pretty cool. If you want one, lemme know. I know most of you have ads that people actually pay you and I can't do that, but remember that time I bought you a drink at the IP?), there's not much else to report on the Life of Speaker. Though that will change soon enough. I'm involved in all sorts of quasi-legal proceedings at this juncture and once they become public, we'll talk about 'em here.

I did order a new computer today. It's a Mac Book Pro. I don't know how to use it, but I've been assured by everyone in the Mac Universe (why do they all speak in monotone and call me "master?") that I have made a revolutionary choice and my master plan to create and post amatuer art films on suburban ennui will be perfectly suited to the new rig and bring me one step closer to Internet Domination. It's going to be really hard to use an intuitive machine after my many years of servitude to the Gates Empire, from whom I fully expect a gold watch and a meager pension upon exit.

The machine might arrive by this weekend and if that's the case I'll try to contact you WPBT people in Vegas, so I can give you a show on my cam. It will be free and highly personalized. This morning I started gnashing my teeth over my non-attendance at the event, the first I've missed since winning my WPBT merit badge back in '05. I never have more fun than I do at those things and it's less the setting than the people, though the setting does lend itself to just the types of shenanigans that get my juices boiling. I'll miss you and in your absence I'll speak of you kindly.

To compensate for that fun gap, I've got a couple other things going on this month that should provide hilarity, including a brief hit-and-run stop in Vegas later in June that luckily coincides with My Main Man drizz's PLO Bracelet Quest. Is the Amazon Room wheelchair accesible? Does anybody know a good Italian Restaurant with a ramp?

I haven't been to Vegas since February and the Festivus of Betty, so I'm starting to get the shakes a little. Must. Have. Greyhound.

Anyway, to those who are going this weekend...have fun, drink water occasionally and leave a lasting impression, so the others can make jokes about you for years afterward. And I'm serious about the cam thing.


At 7:22 PM, Blogger Human Head said...

I love my MacBook, even as I have struggle to find time to learn everything about it I want to know and really do some of the cool shit, like good Applescript, and doing fantastical Robert Rodriguezish things with film.

It is a fine machine, thoughtfully designed, with a mature system (and safety that comes with involvement of the NSA in it's development over a period of many years up to the present).


Enjoy your new webcam and built in mic. I wonder, if a person had their junk caught by Google on the webcam, what kind of advertising do they send back? If your dick "looks like cheese pizza" as Andrew Dice once said, is it good enough yet to send you adverts for penicillin?

What if a person showed Google their junk, and broke it? (I would probably walk around demanding that people "behold, the power of my junk" until I was arrested on otherwordly charges like "conspiracy to molest Google" or some such shit.

Dear god I'm rambling and insane this evening. Enjoy the new machine.

At 8:50 PM, Anonymous gracie said...

Whee! I bought one today too!


At 8:33 AM, Blogger elizabeth said...

welcome to the awesomeness that is mac. i'm proud of your choice. plus, you can periodically check the hair while at the computer, like a built-in vanity mirror. sweet.

At 11:08 AM, Blogger Drizztdj said...

I hear Quizno's is wheelchair accessable and makes an Italian Sub with those little parmasean cheese packets.

Is that close enough?

At 7:51 PM, Blogger Tim said...

my master plan to create and post amatuer art films on suburban ennui

Is this some hyper-literate way of saying you're going to be making amateur porn with bored housewives?

Man, I want to see THAT!


At 10:55 AM, Blogger WindBreak247 said...

Your MacBook Pro is a fantastic choice, and you'll enjoy it thoroughly. I just picked one up myself at the beginning of May. Feel free to email me if you have any questions (there's a link on my blog). I've been a Mac guy since I first touched a computer.

Just remember, you have to quit applications and not just close windows. That's probably the only problem I have with Mac OS vs. Windows. The other 99.99% of the OS wipes the floor with Windows.



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