Hello...Is It Me You're Looking For?

"So, are you ever gonna write at The Obituarium, again?"
--F-Train

"Yes," I said. And because I am Train's LA Boyfriend, I think Lionel Ritchie is a good soundtrack for what follows.

Of course, with all the poker stuff at Poker Works and all the AJ stuff at Offsprung (notice that new little banner over there? Pretty cool. If you want one, lemme know. I know most of you have ads that people actually pay you and I can't do that, but remember that time I bought you a drink at the IP?), there's not much else to report on the Life of Speaker. Though that will change soon enough. I'm involved in all sorts of quasi-legal proceedings at this juncture and once they become public, we'll talk about 'em here.

I did order a new computer today. It's a Mac Book Pro. I don't know how to use it, but I've been assured by everyone in the Mac Universe (why do they all speak in monotone and call me "master?") that I have made a revolutionary choice and my master plan to create and post amatuer art films on suburban ennui will be perfectly suited to the new rig and bring me one step closer to Internet Domination. It's going to be really hard to use an intuitive machine after my many years of servitude to the Gates Empire, from whom I fully expect a gold watch and a meager pension upon exit.

The machine might arrive by this weekend and if that's the case I'll try to contact you WPBT people in Vegas, so I can give you a show on my cam. It will be free and highly personalized. This morning I started gnashing my teeth over my non-attendance at the event, the first I've missed since winning my WPBT merit badge back in '05. I never have more fun than I do at those things and it's less the setting than the people, though the setting does lend itself to just the types of shenanigans that get my juices boiling. I'll miss you and in your absence I'll speak of you kindly.

To compensate for that fun gap, I've got a couple other things going on this month that should provide hilarity, including a brief hit-and-run stop in Vegas later in June that luckily coincides with My Main Man drizz's PLO Bracelet Quest. Is the Amazon Room wheelchair accesible? Does anybody know a good Italian Restaurant with a ramp?

I haven't been to Vegas since February and the Festivus of Betty, so I'm starting to get the shakes a little. Must. Have. Greyhound.

Anyway, to those who are going this weekend...have fun, drink water occasionally and leave a lasting impression, so the others can make jokes about you for years afterward. And I'm serious about the cam thing.