Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Holding Tight

How is it, with one less wife and half a week without a child, I now have almost no free time? It's not because I have to do all my own cooking, cleaning and laundering, because I pretty much did the lion's share of that toward The End, anyway.

It's pretty simple: I have a life again. I have a social calendar. I have new commitments. I have "things to do." And they hardly ever include poker.

The times in my life when I've been most prolific at the writing thing were when I was in the worst mental and emotional shape. Both divorces brought out my poison pen, those circular arguments in my head being transferred to papyrus for therapy, for relief. And if I'm a little humiliated at some of the unexpurgated stuff that made it into this little corner of Al Gore's internet, at least I could write with passion. Needed that outlet.

And now? Well, I'm kinda stuck. Why? Because I'm happy. Tilt moments are little more than gnats and I easily brush away X's latest--almost daily--inappropriate actions. She can't hurt me any more. Can't even touch me. And while I'm certain she's harming AJ with her carrying on, I am equally sure that I can adequately compensate and fix what ails him on my end.

The thing about it is, I don't wanna talk here about all that's going on.

You? Mr. Let-It-All-Hang-Out?

Yep. I want these things to stay mine for a little longer. I want to keep them for myself and the others involved. I'm not comfortable shining the blog light on any of it just yet. Trust me, I tried. Yet, in the end, simply deleted about six hours worth of rambling. Because it's not time yet. Not ripe enough. So many wonderful experiences lately, from my trips, to my renewed and better-than-ever relationship with AJ to...well...the stuff you don't know about yet. Alright, fine. I won't be a totally coy jagoff: I met someone. She's lovely. Inside and out. And every time she leaves, I miss her more strongly than before.

But it's not just her. It's a shifting. Tectonic plates, man. I'm talking internal stuff here. And I could not be more fucking excited. Just wish I was still able to write.


At 12:02 AM, Blogger geewits said...

Some things you just have to keep to yourself. I'm glad you're happy. And in case I didn't say it before I really loved your travel pics. I've looked at them several times, pining for my future trip to Ireland.

At 5:31 AM, Blogger Huge Junk said...

Plus you got a new couch. You can't discount the naps that must be piling up.

I'm happy for you. Keep it up with the new lass and if you end up needing detailed instructions on how to properly apply the "Thumper" or "Jackhammer" you just let me know.

At 6:35 AM, Blogger StB said...

Good things happen to good people eventually. You have been overdue.

Maybe I can hit up Iggy for a prop bet on this...

At 8:44 AM, Blogger Drizztdj said...

Happy Speaker is a good thing.

Rock on.

At 8:56 AM, Blogger BigPirate said...


That which you do not say can not be used in Court against you.

It's great to have you happy or sad.

Glad you're happy though.

At 10:38 AM, Blogger Garthmeister J. said...

Glad to hear a "good news" update. Though I'm not sure what your mental state would be if Bill Simmons decided to go with Liverpool over Spurs...

At 12:01 PM, Blogger Joaquin "The Rooster" Ochoa said...

Piffft..enough of the mushy shit. Tell me about the new 22 year old girl you have been banging...I have a read on you, Speaker. How do you think I broke off your kings that time...nuff said...oh, I had Aces, but still.

At 12:07 PM, Blogger pokerpeaker said...

Congrats, Joe Speaker. It's about fucking time, bythe way.

At 3:37 PM, Blogger cc said...

One day, my man. Glad to see your grabbing each day. Take care.


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