Tuesday, May 16, 2006

A Man's Couch Is His Castle

The latest issue that has kept me up nights is my seemingly endless and fruitless search for a new couch. Complicating my quest is the odd shape of the living room in my new apartment. I hate square, boxy floorplans, but that aversion has left me with an obscenely rectangular layout in which to park my (obscenely large) TV. Furthermore, there is only one place where the TV can sit, stifling any creativity I might have been able to muster. As such, the traditional sofa/loveseat combination would overwhelm the room and if there's one thing I need in my life right now, it's balance.

Trying to find something smaller in America in the 21st Century, where ostentation reigns, is nigh impossible. When I do find something that will work, it's either in a poor color or awful style. I saw one last night that had the perfect dimensions, but the design was befitting a much older person than I. Say...120 years older. The thing looked like it should have come equipped with plastic covering. Then there is the one from a higher end retailer. A little pricy, but the fabric was like butter, the lines clean and contemporary and over 800 colors and patters to choose from. I love it. Except for the part about delivery taking 12 weeks. That's a long time to be sitting on one's ass on one's floor. Still, I could have been talked into waiting (and taking one old loveseat from my currrent house for the interim) if the rather hot saleswoman had laughed at even one of my very clever and hilarious witticisms. I suppose My Game is a little rusty. Note to you service/sales workers out there: Give lots of mercy attention to people trying to rehabilitate their social lives. You can basically sell them the world.

The tack I've been taking is to a get a mini-sectional, basically the length of a standard sofa (that would cover the width of the rectagle) with a Chaise on one end that would fill up some of the space on the length of the rectangle. It seems a good fit in my mind's eye. I just can't find the right one. The local cut-rate warehouse (which offers same day delivery) has some that come close, but there's one or two things wrong with each. Crate & Barrel has a sweet ensemble, but I'd have to drive down to OC to test sit one and then I'd get to pay $3K, which seems like a bit of a "name" overlay.

I'm not a big fluffy couch kind of guy. I like a classic look, the basic geometry of a 50s style couch: square, clean. These styles seem to have an almost contemporary look about them (classic and contemporary? That can't be. "Retro" maybe?), but not a "trendy" contemporary because you don't want to be left with something out-dated in two years time. Remember those bedroom ensembles of the late 80s in black lacquer? Those were FANtastic. Loved coming on one of those in the middle of the Grunge Era and asking the owner if they still had their Z Cavaricci and Generra (the shirt! It changes colors according to your body temperature!) wardrobe in the closet. And yes, I'm calling myself out, too, because I had plenty of both those clothing manufacturers hanging in my hyper-colorful wardrobe. I seem to recall one favorite outfit of mine that was a pair of white cotton Generra pants that I'd peg at the (bare) ankles, topped with a long sleeved, silken, collared shirt in baby blue with black accents worn untucked and with the top button fastened. A pair of worn huaraches completed the picture and Sweeet Georgia Brown did I look like a poof. How I got female SDSU co-eds into my dorm room bed I will never know.

I really have no point. Sorry. There's no universal truth in my search for a couch. No entertainment, either. So I'm taking an 0-fer today. I can't homer every AB. Wait. Here. Somebody suggested pictures from the Castle the other day? Prepare to mock:



Yeah, I couldn't get anyone, male or female, into my Castle bed with that look. Good picture of Morley, though.

19 Comments:

At 11:42 AM, Blogger Chad said...

Holy shit, you're the dude from ReignDance!

 
At 11:55 AM, Blogger BadBlood said...

Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicooooooooo.

Suaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave.

 
At 12:00 PM, Anonymous mookie99 said...

Ha, at least it wasn't a mullet.

 
At 12:17 PM, Blogger AlCantHang said...

oh my. Words escape me. A cross between the Rico Suave dude and Stephen Pearcy from Ratt.

 
At 12:45 PM, Blogger Pokerwolf said...

Well, now we know why you cut your hair and became utterly meticulous about your appearance.

I bet you could still mosh with the best of them though.

 
At 1:01 PM, Blogger Dr. Pauly said...

1991 called. They want their white stone-washed jeans back.

 
At 1:23 PM, Blogger iamhoff said...

Bang Your Head! I don't think Infiniti would've sold you the G if you still looked like that!

 
At 1:45 PM, Blogger StB said...

So this is what happened with Milli Vanilli broke up. You learned to play poker.

 
At 2:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

High-Top Shoes with pegged pants...yes, you use to get all the girls I'm sure...heehee!

 
At 2:18 PM, Blogger Div said...

Mrs Div is thinking Extreme - More Than Words...

 
At 3:24 PM, Blogger Greg said...

i loved you in RATT.

 
At 3:59 PM, Blogger facty said...

Dear Shizzy,

You should get a couch from Room & Board . They are rockin like Dokkin.

Stay Metal,
facty

 
At 8:59 PM, Blogger Bloody P said...

So you WERE one of the guys in Milli Vanilli!!!

 
At 9:02 PM, Blogger Bloody P said...

Dammit, I didn't see that Stb beat me to the Milli Vanilli rip.

Well played, Stb..

 
At 10:49 PM, Blogger geewits said...

Hey thanks for the acknowledgement (cough, cough). I'm the one who asked for a castle picture. I can see by the furniture and carpet that it is exactly as you described. Marley looks cool. Don't take any beef for the hair. I don't like long hair on guys but there is a definite exception if you are in a band.

And you were. (wink)

 
At 7:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would've hit it.

btw: have you looked at Rennovation Hardware for furniture? Sounds like they might carry your kind of style...

 
At 9:10 AM, Blogger TripJax said...

When is the next SoundGarden album coming out?

 
At 11:40 AM, Blogger Drizztdj said...

Is Tesla going on a reunion tour soon?

Oh... spend the extra $150-$200 on the Scotch-guard or whatever stain-resistant package they offer (but lead on the hot saleschick as much as possible before agreeing).

After 5 years my couch (2 sectionals with lounge-chair cornerpiece) has seen too many things spilled on it and its still the original color with no fading.

 
At 7:55 AM, Blogger GoBucksIndy said...

Where's your saxophone?

 

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