Thursday, July 28, 2005


Alright, I'll bite. Or jump the bandwagon. Or steal others' ideas. Whatever. Here's the list of 100 things about me!

1. I have terrible posture.
2. I make the best guacamole you have ever tasted.
3. I lived the first 18 years of my life under the mistaken impresson I didn't like guacamole, a notion I was disabused of my freshman year in college during my first 4 a.m. trip to Roberto's.
4. I also thought I didn't like Chinese food.
5. The best advice I ever got from my father was, "If something seems to good to be true, it is."
6. I am only separated from Kevin Bacon by four degrees.
7. I won six letters in High School; two for soccer and four for tennis.
8. My two favorite albums growing up were AC/DC "High Voltage" and KISS "Rock and Roll Over."
8. I owned them both on 8-track and air-guitared them with my tennis racket.
9. I have had carnal relations with at least two women whose names I can not remember.
10. One of my teen-age nicknames was blatantly racist, as well as ethnically incorrect.
11. I have been in several parades.
12. I can't think of anything more boring than watching a stupid parade.
13. The greatest sports moment of my lifetime is The Miracle on Ice, partly because it was the only time my mother ever let me stay home from church to watch a game.
14. I'm still angry at Kurt Cobain.
15. I have been married twice, both times to women who were not born in this country.
16. My favorite pickup line is, ironically, "Would you like to come live in my country?"
17. AJ is named after his great grandfather and, in a roundabout way, A.E. Hochner.
18. The person most responsible for me being an Oakland A's fan is the late Billy Martin.
19. The person most responsible for me being a Liverpool fan is Kevin Keegan.
20. The person most responsible for me being a San Francisco 49er fan is my Dad.
21. I lost my virginity to "The Slutty New Girl from Florida" and my interest in her was solely for that purpose, though her exceptionally large breasts did not prove to be a hinderance.
22. I am a very good public speaker and kill at wedding toasts.
23. The worst job I ever had was as a telemarketer for a chimney sweeping company.
24. Two movies make me cry every time I see them: Field of Dreams ("Have a catch, Dad?") and Forrest Gump ("I miss you, Jenny.").
25. My family tree includes Statesman and dualist Alexander Hamilton.
26. I stopped taking LSD because my last Trip was so amazing and I knew it could never be matched.
27. I got straight A's my first sememster in college, largely because I didn't yet have a regular weed supplier.
28. Twice in my life I've been "ahead of the curve": I saw "Swingers" in the theater and I saw Nirvana live (twice!) before "Nevermind" came out.
29. The first time I played poker in a casino, I shook uncontrollably for 45 minutes.
30. I started smoking cigarettes to compensate for the fact my first wife demanded I stop smoking weed.
31. The former took; the latter didn't.
32. I am now 11 days smoke-free.
33. If I could have the skill and persona of one poker professional, I'd choose John Juanda.
34. In the early '90s, my friends and I started a rock band, despite the fact only one of us--not me--had ever played an instrument.
35. The second best advice I ever got from my father was "you get what you pay for."
36. Although it happened 31 years ago, I can remember the events of scoring my first goal with perfect clarity.
37. I'm a lassiez-faire guy in regards to capitalism and am particularly irked by government give-backs, tax breaks and general corporate welfare.
38. I once had sex with four different women over the course of a single Labor Day weekend.
39. At this point in my life, I'm not sure if I'm proud or ashamed of that fact.
40. My favorite televison show of all-time is "The White Shadow."
41. The greatest movie endings of all-time are, in order: 1. Godfather 2. Se7en 3. The Last American Virgin.
42. The last pop song I liked was "Big Shot" by Billy Joel.
43. I used to do this thing where I showed up with a picnic basket filled with oranges and chicken noodle soup when a girl I was dating was sick. A surprising majority of the time, they found it a little creepy.
44. My greatest fear is being buried alive.
45. When I was young, my greatest fear was Global Thermonuclear War.
46. I've read the newspaper pretty much every morning since the age of 7.
47. I was born in San Francisco during the Summer of Love.
48. My first best friend was named, appropriately, Mike First.
49. I have engaged in sanctioned athletic competiton with the following "famous" people: Reed Gettys, Marcelo Balboa and ESPN NBA analyst Marc Stein.
50. In addition, I have been to Norman Chad's home.
51. I once got over a hundred splinters in my feet attempting to scale a wooden fence sans shoes.
52. I accept your Galaga challenge. Anytime, anywhere.
53. I once broke my finger during warmups for a basketball game. I taped it up and played.
54. After my first wife and I split up, she found out she was pregnant. That child would be 15 now.
55. My favorite subjects in school were always English courses, yet I scored 220 points higher on the math portion of the SAT than I did on the verbal.
56. I was raised Southern Baptist and still believe in God, if not in overly judgemental organized religion.
57. Whether I give money or not to a homeless person really depends on my mood and their affability.
58. Still the most confounding episode in the history of my dealings with the opposite sex is Kristin Waters dumping me for that douchebag loser Mark Maupin.
59. Especially since I didn't get to nail her first.
60. If I had to pick a single dish to eat every day for the rest of my life, it would come down to a coin flip between the Santa Fe Ravioli from Fritto Misto or the carne asada burrito from Rojelio's.
61. I met the dear and patient wife at a cafe in Paris. I mean "met" in the traditional, three-dimensional way. We'd corresponded on the internet for six months prior.
62. It was love at first IM.
63. Of the many autographs I have collected over the years, I retain only two: Jason Giambi and Steve McMannaman.
64. I did not think it was so great the first time a girl shoved her tongue down my throat.
65. I watched "Friends" from its very first episode and never missed one.
66. I am heterosexual.
67. In 15 years in my chosen profession, I have changed companies once and been promoted five times.
68. During my brief flirtation with rock star status, our band shared the stage with bands who would become Stone Temple Pilots (known then as Mighty Joe Young) and Queens of the Stone Age (formerly Kyuss).
69. The only movie I ever walked out of prematurely was "Witness," with Harrisson Ford. This was because I was stoned to the Bejessus Belt and the young lady I was with started rubbing me in the right spot within 10 minutes of curtain.
70. Back when I first started drinking, I was always the most likely among my friends to puke. Come to think of it, that hasn't really changed.
71. My hometown boasts two Cy Young Award winners: Randy Johnson and Mark Davis.
72. Not to mention the world's longest continuously running light-bulb.
73. My parents have combined for five marriages. In addition to my sister, I have four half-brothers, only one of which I've ever met.
74. I tend to cry more easily when I am happy, or touched, than when I am sad.
75. My favorite sandwich meat is pastrami.
76. I once knocked myself unconscious by running into a fence while chasing a foul ball.
77. Famous people I waited on during my food service days: Mickey Rooney, Christopher Knight, Lindsey Buckingham.
78. I'm average at Trivial Pursuit, but kick ass at Jeopardy!
79. In regards to #51, that is only the second most idiotic thing I've ever done as far as causing myself great physical pain and discomfort. I don't know you well enough to tell you the other one.
80. As a kid, my recurring nightmare was falling out my second-floor bedroom window and seeing a skull and crossbones waiting for me to land. I never did.
81. I have a blood condition called hemachromatosis, which is a genetic disorder marked by excess iron in the body. Treatment is regular blood donations, which I like to refer to as blood-lettings, or by it's slightly dirty-sounding medical term, venesection.
82. There have been three major turning points in my life. 1. When I paid off all the credit card debt my ex-wife ran up in my name 2. When AJ was born 3. When I had my first pitcher of Newcastle.
83. I do not like horror movies.
84. I was 7th grade wrestling champion of my school less than two months after wrestling for the very first time.
85. My voice sounds idiotic on video and audio tape.
86. I was a "regular" at a bar (a pub, really) for an extended time, so much so that the owner fired a bartender--on the spot--based on her mistreatment of my friends and I.
87. I have never won a single nickel on a slot machine.
88. The third best piece of advice I got from my father was "You don't get something for nothing."
89. I worked at Starbucks back before 99% of the population had ever heard of it and I've still yet to come across a barista who can hold my jock.
90. Shortly after moving to Los Angeles, I got lost in the wee hours on my way home from USC and drove around the East Valley for an hour and a half while high on cocaine.
91. Which is nothing compared to the four hours I spent on the LA Freeways during Friday rush hour while frying my head off (which is a long and excellent tale for another time).
92. I am a great tipper. In addition, if I get excellent service, I am certain to put in a good word with the waiter's boss.
93. I am a terrible joke-teller, but most people would agree that I am funny.
94. I have never had a near-death experience.
95. I did once get pulled over by the Policia in Mexicali while on the way to our Spring Break destination, with...uh...a full compliment of "supplies." It was still dark (about 4 a.m.) and there wasn't another human around. Amazingly, he let us go without a search or a shake-down. None of us in the car could ever figure out why.
96. My entire life, I've had the odd habit of waiting until the last possible moment to go pee.
97. I was in the 6th grade before my mother allowed me to wear sneakers to school.
98. I have been audited twice by the IRS.
99. I have been in two fights in my life. I won neither, nor did I get in any notable shots.
100. I am not, generally, a list person.


At 2:49 PM, Blogger Huge Junk said...

24. Two movies make me cry every time I see them: Field of Dreams ("Have a catch, Dad?") and Forrest Gump ("I miss you, Jenny.").

So gay...

At 2:55 PM, Blogger Easycure said...

If I made a list (which I won't), it would be eerily similar to yours. So much so that I probably won't mention it ever again.

Maybe I am your half-brother.

At 3:03 PM, Anonymous Mike said...

#53 The Commerce Casino has one. It's so on.

At 6:43 PM, Blogger Donkeypuncher said...

What's in the box?

Put X in the center square.

At 8:31 PM, Blogger Uwannabet? said...

Somehow from the entire list you have made (while some more shocking & some more comical) this has to be the most telling,
"45. When I was young, my greatest fear was Global Thermonuclear War."

I really think they should do a remake of War Games & cross it with Red Dawn. Other than that I have nothing important to say.

At 10:54 AM, Blogger Daddy said...

I would happily pay you to overnight FedEx some of that guacamole.

At 2:58 PM, Blogger Greg said...

So you got a 220 on the Math SAT, huh? hfg

At 1:33 AM, Anonymous jason said... have no chance.

At 2:49 PM, Blogger The Mystic Dragon said...

what was being audited like? and what were you audited for?

At 11:51 AM, Blogger Drizztdj said...

Jez, are all bloggers Galaga freaks?

Next WPBT event we're finding an arcade and make prop bets while playing :)


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