Friday, February 13, 2009

Laws

Dreary week here in the desert. Dreary all over, I suppose, with the economy and a rather rapid return to Politics as Usual. So much for Coming Together. I hate all of you and you're still bad at your jobs.

As such, I'm going to implement some legislation. Get involved. Make people's lives better.

One, the new limit for trying to pay with exact change is 36 cents. Anything over than that and you must use green. My burrito is getting cold while you try to dig up 58 cents. That's 6 coins. Six! Too many. A-holes.

Two, anyone who gets on the subway and immediately stops once inside the door, thereby blocking anyone behind them from entering, gets a kick in their bad knee. You people are a menace. These are the type of folks who would lead a group of people into a movie theater row and take the aisle seat so everyone else has to edge by them. They are noticeable not only by their behavior, but their bad haircuts and musty odor. If you see one, go for the bad knee.

Three, if you were an asshole to me when I was 13, don't add me as a friend on Facebook. I'm going to forever operate under the assumption you're still an asshole.

Speaking of Facebook, there's lately been a rush of childhood acquaintances to my page, which is 95% awesome. In fact, I'm planning on creating a Group on there called, "Girls I Kissed Before I Hit Puberty." We're only waiting on you, Jina Lanum.

Finally, just to reiterate,

Suck It, Mexico.

2 Comments:

At 11:25 AM, Blogger Betty Underground said...

I'm starting the "Guys I Slept With But Forgot About And Had To Ask A Friend How I Know Them" group.

 
At 7:11 AM, Blogger Drizztdj said...

Sarah "Muffy" Robinson has GOT to be out there!

Ok, I'm on a quest to find her.

 

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