...your five-year-old barging into the bathroom while you're showering to update you on a collegiate gridiron contest upon which you may have (fictionally) wagered with a screaming "Daddy! The blue team with the 'F' on their helmet is hugging each other! I think they scored a touchdown!"
...having that same five-year-old mimic your own mimickry of Farley, Wendt et al by cheering each positive Chicago play with a hearfelt "'da Bears!"
...daytime playoff baseball. Outside. In the sun. Not in a giant blow-up-doll monstrosity. The Twins should start every game down 2-0 for inflicting that abomination on the God Fearing Baseball Fans of America. Make it 3-0 to even things up since Gardenhire's a cheetah to Macha's wounded antelope.
...taking a (slight) step up from the Special $10 Re-Buy on Paradise to the $25 version and finishing a not-entirely-unlucky 13th.