Friday, July 01, 2005

Sunday Hate List

Subway: Thanks for the pastrami sandwich.* More fat in that fucker than in both Rosie O'Donnell's thighs. A perfect compliment to the stale Fritos. Throw in some rancid milk and you've got some kinda combo there.

(*Author takes partial responsibility for being stupid enough to order Pastrami at Subway)

The Appellate Court of Illinois: This one time, when I was 8, I was throwing rocks across the street at a friend, rocks from a neighbor's side yard. I didn't see or hear said neighbor stomp up behind me, but I was plenty startled when he grabbed me by the upper arm and literally carried/marched me down the street to my house. I was scared and crying, BUT I DESERVED IT. Furthermore, my parents, being reasonable people, properly disciplined me and apologized for my behavior.

Try that now.

Television cameramen: Kenny Rogers only.

Donkeys: No, not that kind. Actual donkeys. Though I've been advised they are technically wild burros. They live in the hills above my home and they are fucking LOUD. Braying at all hours, occassionally waking me up with a start. Like last night, when I was a little drunk and a lot tired. We even have a street sign with a wild burro silhouette on it, the second funniest street sign of all time behind the ones near San Diego that warn motorists to be alert for illegal immigrants fleeing across the freeway.

iPod Mini: This is more of an iLove/iHate situation. I hate my birthday gift for all the problems it caused me installing the iSoftware, grating on my already frayed nerves (thank you, poker). No, my current Quicktime IS NOT running. In fact, it it has NEVER ran on this machine, just like it says in the Control Panel. Yet, there you are, not installing on my machine because my Quicktime is "running."

Oh yeah, and adjusting the volume down requires moving your fingers up. Isn't Apple the intuitive personal electronics company? Dummies.

Of course, I did force it into service and have spent the last 8 hours loading all kinds o' shit into it. I must say if my penis was an iPod, I'd masturbate more.

On that more positive note, remember to celebrate your freedom with alcohol, unsafe and insane flammables and charred meats.


At 1:23 AM, Blogger StudioGlyphic said...

Subway: what the fuck are you doing at a Subway at all?

Court: Dumbfucks.

At 7:11 AM, Blogger Div said...

"This is the most stupid ruling the appellate court has rendered in years," said Barnaby's Chicago attorney, Frederick Cohn. "If you see a 15-year-old beating up your 8-year-old and you grab that kid's hand and are found guilty of unlawful restraint, do you now have to register as a sex offender?"

Obvious solution. Don't grab them by the arm (restraint). Punch them in the face (assault).

I'd be happy to take my chances in court with that one.

At 8:57 AM, Blogger Shelly said...

"I must say if my penis was an iPod, I'd masturbate more."


I'm thinking of getting an iPod this week. What color did you get?

At 9:23 AM, Blogger TripJax said...

I still cannot get over that court ruling. Idiots.

Quiznos, dude, Quiznos.

At 4:07 PM, Blogger Paul said...

I'd agree with the Quiznos thing myself.

As for the iPod mini, you don't have to use iTunes. A great replacement for putting music on and moving music off the iPod mini is Ephpod (if you're using a Windows PC). Find it at

If you're on a Mac I'm sure there are other programs as well, I just don't know of any. I miss my iPod mini personally, traded it last year for this IBM ThinkPad I now have. But as far as Ephpod is concerned, it's the best thing since sliced bread for iTunes-haters like me.

The court thing is pretty wack too. But hey, it's America, we've seen stranger things and we always will. :)

One last thing: if you have any intentions of purchasing music from iTunes then obviously you have to use it, Ephpod can't help there. It's just for moving music files to and from the iPod(s).

Good luck...

At 5:35 PM, Blogger The Bracelet said...

It's nice to see someone out there hating on the world as much as I do. Welcome to the team!

That court ruling is absolutely retarded. I feel like I need to punch someone in the face now. Hopefully I don't see a girl in officer poncharello sunglasses within the next few minutes or I may be in jail tomorrow.

At 12:14 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

I think drug testing is needed for all appellate court judges.

Where the fuck does scolding a child turn into a SEX crime? I think they need to order up some brain brilo and re-think this one.


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