Crack!

Jill Hennessy is not that hot.

I mean, sure, she's hot in a vacuum, but as a former model/current actress, she must be graded on a curve. When I see starlets in person, as I did with Ms. Hennessy yesterday, I need to be awe-stricken in order to push the grade higher. Like the time I saw Sela Ward at a Morrocan restaurant and choked on my couscous because she was so digestive system-stoppingly gorgeous.

Jill (can I call you Jill?) was coming down the steps of City Hall, in the midst of one of many location shoots I have to dodge on my daily walk from Union Station to the office. Yes, I stared at her. She has bobbies, right? But the former Law & Order star hardly jumped off the page (Quick digression. Hottest L&O female sidekicks? I'd go with Carrie Lowell and Mariska Hartigay as 1 and 1a). She looked the same as she does on TV. Maybe a little taller. Same is fine. It's better than worse (coughCameron Diazcough). But hot? I'm voting no. Out of my league? Sure. Out of this world? Uh uh.

My poker travails were a little like Jill Hennessy last night. Hot, but not somebody-get-me-to-a-cold-shower hot.

Shameless.

Notched a second-place finish in a $30 two-table SnG on Stars. Had the pleasure of playing with The Poker Nerd a few seats to my left. A pleasure because it's always nice to play with bloggers. Not so much a pleasure because these things are his bread and butter and he's a proven tough player. But there we were, randomly ready to do battle with 16 douchebags.

The deck clobbered me from Hand One, in which I got aces UTG. I managed only the blinds. We had a classic calling station seated between Nerd and I and he paid me off several times. I steadily chipped up with some more big hands (and some not so big ones) and was looking good with 11 players left.

Then the Poker Gods really decided to shine on me. Payback.

I got aces again and simply flat called a raise in front. Heads-up, he bet out a fairly small amount into a Qxx pot with two hearts. I made an obscene over-raise hoping he'd put me on a bluff. Or at least a flush draw. Thought it was gonna work, but he folded.

Not five hands later, I see a free flop in the BB with Q4o and hit two pair. I check-raise the same fella as above, who pushes with his Q6. I manage to avoid the suckout and I just KNOW how he's feeling. No way he was gonna let me raise him out again.

Shortly after consoidating to one table, I got those damn Hilton Sisters and flat called a 4x raise in front. Ragged, seven-high flop and raiser pushes his entire 4K stack into a 1200 pot. Weird. I call and see his A7o. Guess who's the new chip leader?

I remained in the lead until the bubble, though I dropped a bit of my stack. Nobody was really short, with The Nerd holding about 14x the BB. Sadly, he bubbled when his TT ran into AA. AA had been the short-stack and had several times pushed all-in over the top of a pre-flop raise. Not once did he get called. I remarked to the dear and patient wife how none of us knew what kind of cards he was playing, making him tough to call/read. He pulled himself back in and was now a threat.

I'm so tempted to go with a Revenge of the Nerds joke here, but I'll pass. Just know there were several to chose from, Gilbert. I did indeed avenge my blogger brethren, knocking AA out in fourth. Of course, he had AA again. No match for my AKs as the board came KQTQK. Not only a palindrome, but a winnah!

Got to heads up where I became Jeremy Roenick. As in, a complete ass. Did you see what he said?

We're going to try to make it better for everybody, period, end of subject. And if you don't realize that, then don't come. We don't want you at the rink, we don't want you in the stadium, we don't want you to watch hockey...I say personally, to everybody who called us 'spoiled,' you guys are just jealous.

Nice one. Your league is on life support and you insult the remaining 8 hockey fans in the universe, adding that they shouldn't help pay your salary. That'll work. I forsee a brilliant post-hockey career in marketing.

Anyway, I got tooled heads-up. Every raise I made was re-raised. I had hands, too. When I finally did come over the top, I was dominated. Picked the wrong one, methinks.

Meanwhile, I was also playing in the $20 MTT on Stars, along with Alan, though we never sat the same table. Had a much better time of it than lately and cashed in my second straight MTT, finishing 36th of 712. Cracked aces for the second time on the day when my JJ flopped a set. Damn if it doesn't seem like I run into aces a lot these days.

A minor reward, to be sure, but I was pleased with my play. Made no major mistakes and played my game regardless of my chip count/standing.

That's my stop-gap solution for what has been ailing my game lately. Too much attention paid to peripheral issues. Chips in relation to blinds, chips in relation to other stacks I go to war with. That's the only info I need.

Thanks for the responses to my psychological problems (the poker ones, I mean). I'm aware, and guilty of, the Drunken Sailor issue. I should have been a little more specific because that really wasn't what I was hinting at. No, lately I've tended to get more passive with a big stack.

This happens most often in the Re-Buys where even 18K in the second hour isn't a "big" stack. Everybody has chips. And it is my goal during the second hour to keep the pots small, keep them reasonable, not risk too much unless holding the mortal nuts (which I have not been doing a whole lot of lately). Lately, however, my opponents have not been so obliging. So I end up folding to a big bet after putting a couple Gs in the pot. That shit adds up. And it makes me easy prey for aggressive players, as I'm continually showing weakness.

The other thing is, as mentioned before, I have been running into dominant hands for like a month. I wait for my spot, get it, and still end up dominated. It's caused some VERY passive play from me pre-flop, such as not re-raising with a big pair like Queens. Or limping with 8s behind three other limpers. Because I'm afraid. Because when I have re-raised recently, I'm getting called behind. And eliminated.

There is no way to be consistently profitable playing that way. Contrast that with short-stack play where you HAVE to push those hands hard, where you don't have the "luxury" of waiting for aces and you can see my plight.

So I made a conscious effort to push my big starting hands last night. Lucky me. Twice in late position, I raised a couple limpers. Twice, an early limper pushed all-in over the top. I called the first one (dammit) and cracked the aces. I folded the second one, with AKs. I'll bet anyone $100 it was aces or kings.

So...see...I'm not making this shit up. It's happening to me over and over. But I know, you know and the American People know it's just a statistical anomaly, an outlier. It'll pass, it'll regress to the mean. I just gotta stop playing in fear.

That, or online poker is rigged.

******************************

I don't know if any of you noticed, but Your Oakland Athletics are playing some great fucking ball these days. No, they're not likely headed to the post-season this year, but that young pitching staff looks to have a bright future. The Kids in the field are showing promise, as well. And Mark Mulder's ERA is one bad inning away from being over 5.

The lesson, as always, Billy Beane > Everyone.