Wednesday Poker 3000m Steeplechase

I occurs to me that documenting my play in such a complete fashion truly reveals what a donkey I am. Well, in my defense I never really professed to be anything different. Even donkeys get the odd good result. It also occurs to me that this is not very entertaining.

So, time to drink. Not that pouring barley and hops down my gullet makes me funnier. It does, most definitely, make me more stupid, and that's where the entertainment lies. In theory.

3:30: It's crazy re-buy tourney time. 681 entries.

3:31: I only play strong hands in these things and I never re-buy off the top. Generally, that makes me an anomaly. In a perfect world, I don't re-buy or add-on and get a nice over-lay on my money. I am willing to re-buy and add-on, but not to excess. Two re-buys and an add-on is my self-imposed limit. But I'll dump out after one if I'm not feelin' it.

3:37: Alice in Chains "Dirt" on the turntable. ANOTHER band with a dead singer that's better than Pearl Jam.

3:39: I see there's another big fan of Mary Louise Parker out there. Boy Genius is a learned man with impeccable taste. I wonder if he has eliminated Billy Crudup from his life after the soul-scarring treatment of our MJP. And for what? Claire Danes? With that 12-year-old boy's body and face like a broodmare? Please. MJP is a woman. A Wo. Man. Her West Wing character is the first TV personality to stir my loins to this level since Pinky Tuscadero and Kelly from the Mickey Mouse Club, the latter being the one and only person to whom I've ever written a fan letter. Gimme a break, I was 11. Back to MJP, she's the only reason I made it through the interminable "Angels in America" on HBO. And the sight of her post-childbirth with her milked-up chestal area was enough to send a man into convulsions. You'll never see Claire Danes fill out a dress like that.

3:42: Whenever you see a long paragraph, assume a lot of folds.

3:46: Regularly five to the flop. Not my bag, baby.

3:36: All we have to drink in this house is Tecate, the Mexican Pabst Blue Ribbon. Which was fine when I was 20 and had the digetive system to manage it. Clearly, I could have planned this better.

3:48:During current Hold'em session you were dealt 22 hands and saw flop:
- 1 out of 3 times while in big blind (33%)
- 0 out of 3 times while in small blind (0%)
- 1 out of 16 times in other positions (6%)
- a total of 2 out of 22 (9%)

Yep.

3:49: Jesus, I'm almost out of cigs, too. Might as well be shipwrecked.

3:54: You know it's a re-buy when people call an all-in w/ATs at Level 2. T3000 is only two clicks away. That guy's in for $20.50 already and still has the same chance to do well as, say, someone who hasn't re-bought yet and doesn't mind sitting around with T1300 and waiting for a shot.

3:58: WPBT update: 41 entries. Late rush coming? Or will I get my first Top 100 finish?

4:00: I wonder what happened to The Rooster? That was the nickname we gave a co-worker who loved Alice in Chains more than life itself. He was also the reason for one of the most outrageous laughing fits I ever had. You know those where you can't breathe, let alone talk? And talk is what I needed to do. This was right after college when I took a second job in a well known coffee chain that was not well-known at all at the time. William Katt, the star of "Greatest American Hero" came in the store and after I took his order, I walked into the back room humming the oh-so-catchy theme song to the show. The Rooster picked up on it and began singing it. At the top of his lungs. With the door to the back room open. I couldn't inform him that Katt was there and he might want to stop. I was dying.

4:06: That doesn't read very funny. A had to be there moment, I guess.

4:08: I never make flushes in NL. Never. Even when I have big suiteds. Suited connectors? Forget it. I hate flushes. Flushes are gay. By which I do not disparage homosexuals. It's an idiom. Ayway, I don't play suited one-gappers or Axs or Kxs unless it's a family pot and I'm in LP. I don't make flushes then, either. A lot of people DO play those hands and those are the types that make flushes. All the time. Against my big pairs.

4:11: Just won my first pot with T7s in the BB. Made the nut straight on the turn. Got paid on my value bets. Which begs the question: Would I have gotten paid off by re-buy lunatics if I went all-in? The more I think about it, the more I think yes. File under "Next Time."

4:13 I'm 513th in chips of 554 remaining. But I'm only in for $5.50.

4:14: Gettin' a little bitchy in chat. Loose all-in calls coming out on top. Every hand seems to have one pre-flop.

4:15: Level 4. Here's where I'm willing to call with speculative hands and either double up or go broke. Doubbe up and take the add-on and I'm getting a nice overlay. Go broke and re-buy twice and add-on and I'm in for $20.50 which isn't much. I prefer the former, naturally. Or I get nothing to play and re-buy once and add-on for $15.50. I have no idea if this is proper play or not. Haven't read much on the subject. Really just lookking at bankroll considerations and buy-in related to the prize pool.

4:18: AJs all-in pre-flop vs. AQo. Both flop a pair; jack on the river to give it to the massive underdog. I hate poker. Even though I wasn't in this hand. Still, it reinforces what I've been trying to tell you people all along: AJ is gold.

4:22: Big pre-flop raise with Big Slick. Called in four bleeping places. I shouldn't play these things. Flop comes Jack-high and I fold. QJo enjoys my chips.

4:26: I should shut up. I played K6 of diamonds on the button with 5 limpers. Made my flush on the turn.

4:27: In my defense, that was exctly the sort of speculative hand I was talking about earlier. If I go broke on it, no biggie. As is, I more than doubled up. I'm still liable to bet T900 or so on another hand to try to a) get more chips or b) fall below the re-buy level. Worth taking a shot, I think.

4:30: And there's AQ to fill the bill. And break me. AK. In the last hand of the level. So, timing is everything. Two re-buys and an add-on. T5000 and an investment of $20.50.

4:32: AJ--my son, not the hand--just whacked me in the forehead with a spoon. When I strongly suggested he not do that because it hurts, he whacked himself in the forehead. I'm thinking nuclear physics is in his future.

4:35: 485 players remaining, me at 356th, average is T9000. Prize pool is $13,830. 54 places paid. Three smokes left.

Stay tuned.